So, tonight I am finally having a quiet moment. I have been going non-stop since Feb. 29 -- the first day of the Advanced Course -- that is 23 straight days of going non-stop. During that time, I've had incredible, inspiring conversations with co-workers, family members, friends. I've created some amazing possibilities at work and with family, and I've already seen the results. Some results are not that astounding from the outside looking in, but now I am doing things that I would never have followed through with before. Of course, they were always nice ideas, but not things that would happen this week or month or year... but maybe... someday.
For example, today, I hosted Easter at my house. I had 20 people over today including my sister-in-law's family (Mother, StepDad, Grandmother, Grandfather, brother) and my family (Mom, Dad, 3 brothers, niece, nephew, sister-in-law). It was the first holiday celebration at my new house in AZ, and it was the realization of a dream for my sister-in-law. She had always hoped that one day her family and her husband's family would celebrate a holiday together -- everyone together, and today it happened -- at my house!!! It was a beautiful day. Maybe this does not seem like much to others, but it's not something I had ever even been open to before -- "my" family, Yes, but "her" family, No. I had had a lot going on in the week leading up to today with an out of town wedding, guests staying with me the 4 days before Easter, and every reason why cancelling would have been ok and accepted. I embraced all that the preparation would mean, and I completely enjoyed having everyone at my house. It was great!!!
And, at work last week, I held a meeting for my remote video team via video conference, and again, although it sounds simple, in the 6 years that this video team has existed, this has never been done. And now it has been. It was a great moment for me and for my team. We are from NJ, TX, CA, IL and AZ. Seeing everyone at one time, whether they were in the office or working from home was incredible. Although it's not something we can touch or see now that it's over, this "meeting" was real. We made it happen. We accomplished something that had not been done before, and somehow it made our team, more of a team. That is incredible! To think that only a few months ago, I felt like this team was a ball and chain. I realized that my leadership was the ball and chain. Now that I am embracing the team, it is embracing me back and becoming more and more and more...
So, these are just a sample of the happenings in my life that are making a difference for me and the people around me...
I am having my share of breakdowns, too, but now that I see the game, I realize that maybe some things perhaps were just a bit too easy. Some "life" needed to be mixed in to make the game more interesting.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Real Time
So things I've done since the Advanced Course. Step two of scuba diving before the end of the year with a month of September being debated amongst a bunch of people who always wanted to learn how to scuba dive but never have. Every rotten relationship I've had over the last year has turned a page. Every day I feel more and more powerful as I create results, creating my and other's reality. In the course of my day I am also attempting to breathe life into the environments around me. Just to share something I think everyone viewing this could agree upon.
I was just laying out an understanding that I have about our inherent nature to let others down and the complex means in which we will hide this "just is" fact about ourselves.
The crux of my statement was that we take great lengths to keep quiet (thanks for introducing me to the Abilene Paradox) in order to feel better about ourselves, whistling our way down a sinking ship.
For me it all comes down to how each one of us manages conflict. I liked how McShane & Von Glinow (p. 389) pointed out that constructive conflict's success is reliant on a team's members being able to relate to each other without interpreting exposure of their faults as a personal attack. We are truly programmed to see fault-finding as an attack rather than a means of support. How ironic that every one of our jobs is based on a need to expose faults in objects or processes in order to improve results. Our job description says "find fault" and our relationships say "don't find fault".
My contribution to this discussion is to explain how I see feedback in the hopes that this idea could cultivate and grow as it is exposed to others. Feedback is a gift period. We all get awfully caught up in the meaning we assign to the feedback we receive ("I don't like his tone", "She's one to talk", "Of course they saw it that way", "He doesn't like me", "I'm going to lose my job", "They think I'm stupid") without simply listening to the words. In other words, we do look a gift horse in the mouth.
Imagine if we accepted presents with the same complex levels of filtration: "What's in the box, why is it in a box, what's the box hiding, they gave me a box because they know I can't stand boxes, a box is so unoriginal, is this box bigger than the box I gave them?"
But we don't. We may keep our opinions about the unveiled gift to ourselves (and we'd be a rude bunch if we went around always sharing our true thoughts about everything), but in accepting the gift, there are typically no concerns about hidden agendas. A lot of the time we are even given an opportunity to quietly reject a gift when we find the presenter placed a "gift receipt" inside the box.
And how brave. How brave for someone to offer a gift despite the fact that the gift could be rejected. How many times have we said "I hope she likes it"? As many times as we've said "it's the thought that counts"?
It's the thought that counts. Feedback should be given as a gift and received as a gift. In fact, the best way to show appreciation for feedback is to reciprocate.
Naturally, any one out of practice are probably not very good at giving or receiving feedback. It's the practice that could improve things. And certainly, there needs to be a strong level of trust to be able to employ feedback successfully. Team results suffer when feedback is held back. Resentments grow, and new imaginative and silent meanings are applied to behavior and conversations. Honest feedback can help a person see what it is they can't see themselves, and lead to additional honest feedback sessions that eventually build the team's relatedness and effectiveness.
I was just laying out an understanding that I have about our inherent nature to let others down and the complex means in which we will hide this "just is" fact about ourselves.
The crux of my statement was that we take great lengths to keep quiet (thanks for introducing me to the Abilene Paradox) in order to feel better about ourselves, whistling our way down a sinking ship.
For me it all comes down to how each one of us manages conflict. I liked how McShane & Von Glinow (p. 389) pointed out that constructive conflict's success is reliant on a team's members being able to relate to each other without interpreting exposure of their faults as a personal attack. We are truly programmed to see fault-finding as an attack rather than a means of support. How ironic that every one of our jobs is based on a need to expose faults in objects or processes in order to improve results. Our job description says "find fault" and our relationships say "don't find fault".
My contribution to this discussion is to explain how I see feedback in the hopes that this idea could cultivate and grow as it is exposed to others. Feedback is a gift period. We all get awfully caught up in the meaning we assign to the feedback we receive ("I don't like his tone", "She's one to talk", "Of course they saw it that way", "He doesn't like me", "I'm going to lose my job", "They think I'm stupid") without simply listening to the words. In other words, we do look a gift horse in the mouth.
Imagine if we accepted presents with the same complex levels of filtration: "What's in the box, why is it in a box, what's the box hiding, they gave me a box because they know I can't stand boxes, a box is so unoriginal, is this box bigger than the box I gave them?"
But we don't. We may keep our opinions about the unveiled gift to ourselves (and we'd be a rude bunch if we went around always sharing our true thoughts about everything), but in accepting the gift, there are typically no concerns about hidden agendas. A lot of the time we are even given an opportunity to quietly reject a gift when we find the presenter placed a "gift receipt" inside the box.
And how brave. How brave for someone to offer a gift despite the fact that the gift could be rejected. How many times have we said "I hope she likes it"? As many times as we've said "it's the thought that counts"?
It's the thought that counts. Feedback should be given as a gift and received as a gift. In fact, the best way to show appreciation for feedback is to reciprocate.
Naturally, any one out of practice are probably not very good at giving or receiving feedback. It's the practice that could improve things. And certainly, there needs to be a strong level of trust to be able to employ feedback successfully. Team results suffer when feedback is held back. Resentments grow, and new imaginative and silent meanings are applied to behavior and conversations. Honest feedback can help a person see what it is they can't see themselves, and lead to additional honest feedback sessions that eventually build the team's relatedness and effectiveness.
BuzzWord Free
:)))
Allright you guys. Pony up. Here it is. Your chance to share a journal of your findings about how you relate to people and how they are woven in your day to day.
It is also a place built for encouragement. We all know by now how much we let other people down as much as how we let each other down. My favorite story, when I tell people about our weekend, is about how the class took a day and a half to really get that one person loses - the whole team loses. I've told both of my kids that are old enough to understand.
Also, according to the Subject that I chose, when posting here please say what you mean and mean what you say. I didn't say jargon free (have you noticed how much the words "possibility", "integrity", "meaning" or "relatedness" has shown up in your recent vocabulary? OR What words showed up in your vocabulary?). I just really don't want to see a lot of words created here that don't say anything or call us to action. And just for that I will say that I am creating the possibility that we are all caring and that the ACT I'm giving up is "you can't tell me what to do" which is to say that if you're using buzzwords authentically you get a free pass.
:)))
Allright you guys. Pony up. Here it is. Your chance to share a journal of your findings about how you relate to people and how they are woven in your day to day.
It is also a place built for encouragement. We all know by now how much we let other people down as much as how we let each other down. My favorite story, when I tell people about our weekend, is about how the class took a day and a half to really get that one person loses - the whole team loses. I've told both of my kids that are old enough to understand.
Also, according to the Subject that I chose, when posting here please say what you mean and mean what you say. I didn't say jargon free (have you noticed how much the words "possibility", "integrity", "meaning" or "relatedness" has shown up in your recent vocabulary? OR What words showed up in your vocabulary?). I just really don't want to see a lot of words created here that don't say anything or call us to action. And just for that I will say that I am creating the possibility that we are all caring and that the ACT I'm giving up is "you can't tell me what to do" which is to say that if you're using buzzwords authentically you get a free pass.
:)))
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
HI!!!
Hello everyone. I had been thinking up how we might have a place where we could all share our ongoing breakthroughs and breakdowns while capturing what the Advanced Course is creating for us day-to-day.
A BLOG (short for Web Log) is my favorite way to stay connected, so if you have a different preference let me know. My goal is not BLOG-specific, rather it is to stay connected to everyone from the Advanced Course and continue to be inspired by what you're up to.
Feel free to e-mail me at kumlina@gmail.com if you need help understanding how you can participate with this BLOG.
A BLOG (short for Web Log) is my favorite way to stay connected, so if you have a different preference let me know. My goal is not BLOG-specific, rather it is to stay connected to everyone from the Advanced Course and continue to be inspired by what you're up to.
Feel free to e-mail me at kumlina@gmail.com if you need help understanding how you can participate with this BLOG.
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